


Being Brave is a Process

by iStiz



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: AU, Episode: s02e22 Casino Night, F/M, WIP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:55:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28695807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iStiz/pseuds/iStiz
Summary: What if Pam was brave and told Jim how she felt? What if Jim never left for Stamford?An Alternate Universe set at the end of Casino Night and beyond.
Relationships: Pam Beesly/Jim Halpert
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	1. Step 1: Say How You Feel

**Author's Note:**

> **This is a Work In Progress but it will be completed**

Pam can feel Jim’s fingers slip away from hers but she’s frozen where she stands, just a few steps away from his desk. Everything between them over the last five years has boiled down to this moment. She can let him go- watch him fade into the darkness of the hallway, call in sick so she doesn’t have to see him empty his desk, pretend she’s happy for her friend getting a promotion- or she can grow up and stop running from the truth.

She cares deeply for Jim; probably even loves him. And she can’t keep pretending like she doesn’t.

Pam’s legs are still frozen in place but at least her mouth isn’t. “Jim, wait!”

His hand stalls on the doorknob. His head, still hanging from her tacit rejection, turns slowly. There’s no emotion on his face, but it’s obvious that he’s trying to keep the hopefulness from his voice when he softly replies, “Yeah?”

“I…” She clears her throat and tries again. “Don’t go.”

Jim huffs out a breath, almost a laugh, though there is no humor in it. “Don’t go home? Or don’t go to Stamford?”

“Both.”

He looks her directly in the eye and demands to know, “Why, Beesly?”

And maybe other women would be intimidated by Jim’s uninterrupted gaze, but not Pam. In fact, it seems to wake something up inside of her. She finds her legs again and walks over to him. “Because I want you to stay,” she explains as she slowly approaches.

“And?”

“And I want _you_.”

With zero hesitation she cups Jim’s face with her hands and pulls him in for their second ever kiss (or third, if you count that night at the Dundies). His lips are just as soft and warm as the last time and Pam has never felt anything so right. That is, until she remembers that she’s not supposed to be kissing Jim. She’s supposed to be at home with her fiancé. A fiancé that doesn’t respect her. A fiancé that doesn’t support her dreams. A fiancé that shows next to zero desire to actually get married.

It’s as though Jim just realizes the same thing. He pulls away, though only minutely, and asks, “What about Roy?”

Pam almost gets distracted by the way his lips gently bounce off hers as he speaks, but it’s a rather important question and she can’t ignore it anymore. She moves them further apart so she can focus. “It’s over with Roy,” she insists.

“And does he know that?”

“No.” Jim starts towards the door, so Pam grabs him by the shoulders and makes him stay. “But he will! I’m going to go home and wait for him to get back from drinking with Darrell. He’s usually back by 1, so I have time to get changed and collect my thoughts. Maybe even start packing…”

She drifts off as she starts to make a mental list of all the things she has in her shared house with Roy. It’s not as much as one might think, considering how long they’ve been together. It’s almost like she knew she wouldn’t be in that house with him forever.

Jim snaps her out of her thoughts by asking, “Do you want me to come with you?”

It’s endearing how nervous he is, just saying that out loud. Pam takes in the way he’s looking down at the floor, the toe of his shoe dragging a pattern in the ugly brown and grey carpet of the office, like he’s afraid she’ll change her mind again. She’s very careful about her tone when she says no, and is quick to add, “Roy would probably punch you anyway. That’s his way of dealing with things.”

And just like that, all of Jim’s apparent nervousness is suddenly replaced by concern. “Does he hit you?”

“No! No, he doesn’t hit me.”

“Does he hurt you in any way?”

“No…” Pam knows she’s not convincing in her reply, but she honestly doesn’t think Roy has ever _tried_ to hurt her before. He’s just bigger and stronger than she is and sometimes when he’s drunk he doesn’t realize that he’s squeezing her shoulders too tightly or kissing her too roughly. And, sure, maybe during one of their arguments when she was trying to walk away he pulled her back by the arm and left bruises in the shape of his fingers on her bicep. But those were just accidents! Right?

Pam sets her shoulders and tries to convince Jim that it’s the truth when she answers him again, “No. Roy doesn’t hurt me.”

“Pam,” Jim sighs. He looks like he wants to say more, but he ultimately decides to take her at her word. “Alright,” he says with a shake of his head. “Just promise me you’ll call me if you need help. Hell, call Dwight if you need to! I know he has weapons stashed all over the office so I can only imagine the same for his car or his house.”

She laughs at the mental image of Dwight storming into her house, nunchaku spinning wildly in his hands. But Jim’s still worried demeaner makes her stop laughing. “I’ll be fine,” she swears to him. “At least, physically. Mentally and emotionally…this has been quite a long day.”

“A long year,” Jim counters.

“Sorry about that,” Pam says with a cringe. “I know I haven’t made this whole wedding thing easy on you.”

Jim brings one of her hands up to his mouth and gives a soft kiss to her fingers. “You weren’t trying to hurt me, I know. That’s why I redacted that complaint with Toby.”  
“Still…” They stare into each other’s eyes until the metallic sound of a cell phone ringing tears them apart.

Jim fumbles a hand into his pants pocket and pulls out his phone, groaning when he sees Jan’s name and number on the front. “What am I going to tell her?”

“Who, Katie?” Pam can’t help the jealousy that tinges her words.

“Who? Oh, god no, Pam. I told you, Katie and I are over. This is Jan. I talked to her earlier and she said she would call me later with more details about my move to the Stamford branch. Although I kind of thought by ‘later’ she meant tomorrow.”

Pam reaches over and presses one of the side buttons on Jim’s phone, making the ringing stop. “Let it go to voicemail. You can always call her back in the morning.” Then she moves his hand towards his pocket until he gets the idea and stashes his phone away again. “And in the morning, you can tell her that you changed your mind.”

“Isn’t Jan sort of crazy and unreasonable?”

“Only where Michael is involved.”

Jim chuckles, warm and deep in the otherwise quiet of the office. “Alright. I guess I’d better go. I can get started on that apology for Jan so I’m ready for her tomorrow.”

“Don’t stay up too late,” Pam warns. “You know how you are when you don’t get enough sleep.”

“You think you know me that well?” (Oh, how Jim wishes.)

“I’d like to think so.”

“We’ll see.” He turns around in hopes to cover the grin he can’t seem to get rid of. “Goodnight, Beesly,” he says with a backwards wave. “See you on Monday.”

It’s so similar to how he leaves the office every day, but this time it carries the promise of something more. “Goodnight, Jim.”


	2. Step 2: Stand Up For Yourself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains abusive language and behaviors towards Pam.
> 
> EDIT: I wrote this chapter featuring Pam's cousin Jocelyne, when I really meant her friend Isabel!! I got mixed up (whoops). SO, if you already read this chapter then you may notice that Isabel is there now instead. I always liked Isabel's character and was sad to see her disappear, especially after having her back for a few episodes after the wedding! Oh well. Anyway, the chapter is the same besides that.

Pam never had a lot of friends growing up. She got along with her classmates at school, but never seemed to connect with anyone on a deeper level. In contrast, Pam’s younger sister Penny was one of the most popular girls at their school. The older they got the more Pam was passed over for Penny. She didn’t harbor any resentment towards her, however. Pam was perfectly fine with who she was, even if no one else gave her the time of day.

Until Roy.

Roy Anderson was everything Pam needed. Where she was quiet, he was outspoken. Where she was timid, he was self-assured. He was kind and attentive (if not a little obsessed with football) and showed her off to his friends and family, like a prize he had won. She let herself be carried along into this new life that Roy made for her, and for a long time she told herself that she was happy with the way things were.

But Pam is not in high school anymore and she’s no longer happy. If she’s being honest with herself, she hasn’t been happy for a long time. She says as much to her mother, who is on the phone continuing their conversation from earlier in the evening.

_“Oh, Pammy. I’m so sorry I didn’t notice sooner.”_

“It’s okay, Mom. How were you supposed to know? I only just realized it myself.”

_“Still…I’m your mother. I want to help.”_

“Thank you for staying up to talk to me. I know you and Dad are typically asleep by now.”

_“It’s no problem at all, sweetheart. I love you. Now, you’ve told me about what Jim’s going to do next, but what about yourself?”_

“I know Roy doesn’t have the money to stay here if I leave and the same goes for me, so we’re going to have to sell the house.”

_“Do you need to move back home for a bit? We’re only ten minutes away, you know.”_

“Maybe. I’ll let you know.”

_“Just remember that the offer is always open. Now, what are you going to do about Jim?”_

“Mom!” Pam feels her face burn like she’s a teenager again talking about a crush.

_“Don’t leave your poor mother in suspense! Are you going to start dating him or what?”_

“Can I please end my current relationship without rushing into another one? Yes, I care about him, but I have to tell Roy that it’s over between us and-”

Pam doesn’t get the chance to finish her sentence because Roy stumbles into the living room, and apparently he’s overheard at least the end of their conversation because he bellows, “Over?! What the fuck do you mean it’s OVER?!”

“I’ll talk to you later,” Pam says to her mother before quickly snapping her phone closed to end the call. “Roy, you’re drunk.”

“Don’t tell me what the fuck I am!”

“Just go to bed and we can talk in the morning.”

“Don’t tell me what to fucking do!”

Pam sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose to ward off an oncoming headache from all the yelling. “Roy.”

“No! You don’t get to act like a bitch, all high and mighty because I went out with the guys instead staying at your boss’s stupid casino night. You always make me feel guilty about spending time with them, which is dumb because I never say a word when you stay late to hang out with Halpert.”

That one hits a little too close to home for Pam. She steers the conversation away from Jim and back to the issues between herself and Roy instead. “I was having fun,” she tells him. “Why couldn’t you just stay and have fun with me?”

“That wasn’t my idea of fun!”

“Well sometimes people sacrifice a little bit in relationships.”

“You want to talk to me about sacrifice? I sacrifice all the fucking time, Pam!”

She scoffs at him, knowing it will only serve to make him madder but not being able to stop herself. “When? Name one time you have ever sacrificed anything for me.”

“I’ll have you know that I turned down our waitress tonight! She was hitting on me all night, really working it, showing off her body and complimenting mine. She wrote her number on her receipt and everything. I could be with her right now, but I’m too good to you, Pammy.”

Of all the things, Pam cannot believe that Roy just admitted to that. “Get out.”

“I gave up sex with a hot blonde for you and all you have to say is ‘get out’?!”

“Get out of my house or I’ll call someone to come get you out.”

“This is OUR house!” Roy screams and punches his fist against the wall.

A painting falls to the floor, glass shattering, yet the sick sound of bones crunching is louder. Pam wants to be surprised or angry but she can’t muster up anything stronger than pity. “I’m calling your brother.”

“Don’t bother,” Roy pouts as leaves the room, cradling his hand to his chest.

She just stands there and watches him go. She hears Roy’s truck start up and drive off. She wonders how he’s going to drive with only one good hand, but then she stops wondering. She’s still standing there when he phone pings a half hour later. She picks it up from where it fell, careful of the shards of glass now littering the floor, and sees a text message from Jim.

**To Pam: Jan sounded angry in her voicemail, so I can only assume Michael is to blame. Hopefully your night went better than hers! I know it’s weird to say, considering I just saw you a few hours ago, but I miss you. I wish you would have let me come with you tonight. But I get it. Call me if you need to talk. I don’t mind losing sleep if it’s for you.**

Pam doesn’t realize she’s crying until a tear hits the phone screen, blurring the words. She isn’t sure if the tears are happy because Jim is so willing to give of himself to her or sad because Roy never has. Maybe it’s a little bit of both. Either way, she knows she’s making the right choice for herself (even if there’s plenty more difficult conversations with Roy ahead of her).

**To Jim: It’s not weird, it’s sweet. Thank you for the offer, but I really just want to sleep.**

**To Pam: Any time. Sweet dreams, Pam.**

* * *

Pam startles awake to the sound of someone knocking on the front door. That’s when she realizes that she slept on the couch all night. After cleaning up the glass left by Roy she read and re-read Jim’s texts, evidenced by the now dead phone battery. She goes to plug it in but the knocking grows louder so she abandons the phone on the coffee table in favor of answering the door.

“About time,” comes the snarky greeting- if it could even be called one- of her best friend Isabel. But her bark is worse than her bite. She wraps Pam up in a big hug and asks, “How are you doing?”

“Okay…” Pam is confused. “What are you doing here?” she asks as she ushers Isabel is and shuts the door behind her.

“Helene said you might need a friend today, so here I am!”

Pam is grateful for both her mother’s meddling and for her friend’s positivity. Isabel has always been easy to get along with, and she often takes Pam’s side in her squabbles with Penny, so Pam is looking forward to having her here. Besides, she’s fun. And Pam needs more fun.

They decide to make pancakes- chocolate chip pancakes, to be precise- just like they did for sleepovers when they were kids. Pam plugs in her phone and then they get to work. The batter comes out slightly lumpy, and their attempts at flipping the pancakes ends poorly, but the pancakes are overly sweet in just the right way and the two devour every single one of them.

Pam is just getting the dishes finished up in the sink when Isabel gasps from across the kitchen. “Woah! You have 17 missed calls!”

“From who?” Pam asks, though she has a sinking feeling she already knows.

“Roy. Where is he, by the way? Did you two have a fight or something?”

“Or something…” Pam mutters. She wipes her hands on a dry dishrag before leaning against the counter to face Isabel. “I told Roy it’s over between us.”

“And how did he take it?”

“He smashed a painting and punched a wall. Probably broke his hand.”

Isabel’s eyes nearly bug out of her head. “No way!”

Pam nods. “He was drunk.”

“That explains all the phone calls. He’s sobered up and realized how much of an idiot he was.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she says resolutely. “We’re done.”

“Good for you, Pam. Tell you what… when you’re ready to get back out there again, Penny and I will take you out- maybe even to the city! We’ll find you someone better.” Pam bites her lip and tries not to smile, but Isabel’s too quick and picks up on it instantly. “Oh. My. God. Pam! Ohmygod! You already found someone, didn’t you? Is that why you ended things with Roy? Who is it?”

“It’s not like you know him!” Pam says while laughing. Isabel’s excitement is contagious. “He’s a guy I work with.”

She squeals with delight. “Tell me everything!”

So Pam does, starting with her first days at Dunder Mifflin and finishing with she and Jim kissing last night. But hearing her own story makes her wonder, “Am I a bad person? I sort of cheated on my fiancé.”

“Engaged ain’t married,” Isabel insists. “Not to mention all you did was kiss, and then you immediately told Roy that you were breaking up. I think you’re fine.”  
“I don’t think Roy agrees with you.”

“He’s allowed to be upset. His feelings are just as valid as yours.”

Pam mulls over everything she’s talked about with Jim, with her mother, and now with Isabel as she goes about taking a shower and getting dressed for the day. When she’s ready, she gets her phone and returns Roy’s many calls.

He seems to be going through all the stages of grief at once. He refuses to believe that Pam actually wants to leave him; he screams that everything is her fault, then promises to be better if she would only give him another chance; he cries when she tells him she simply doesn’t love him anymore; and finally he just gets really quiet.

After a minute or so of silence he asks, “Were you really miserable this whole time, Pam?”

“No,” she says honestly. “I liked what we had. But we’ve been together so long that I think it was hard to see we’ve both changed.”

“And you don’t like me anymore.”

“Punching walls and cussing at me? No, I don’t like that.”

“You’re afraid of me.” Roy’s voice is barely above a whisper.

“Last night I was.”

“I’d never hurt you. I swear.”

“But you have.”

“Pam, I… I’m so sorry.”

“I know.”

He’s quiet again. And then, “Kenny says he can help me move out. I’ll do it Monday while you’re at work. I promise I won’t take anything that isn’t mine.”

Pam is greatly relieved that he already has a plan, and that he’s thinking about her for once. “I’m moving out, too. Do you want to take care of selling the house, or should I?”

“I can do it. I’ll send you a check for half.”

“Thank you, Roy.”

* * *

Pam enjoys the rest of her Saturday with Isabel. On Sunday she cleans the entire house from top to bottom, her favorite music blaring the entire time to keep herself from getting stuck in her own thoughts. And on Monday she leaves for work, the same as every Monday except for one minor detail: her engagement ring, which she leaves on the counter for Roy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know Isabel steals a line from Michael on the Booze Cruise. It just fit :)


	3. Step 3: Take Advantage of Every Opportunity

Pam is sitting in Michael’s office, diligently taking notes (i.e. working on a sketch while nodding and every so often repeating something he says so he thinks she’s listening) when something bangs into the side window. The blinds are twisted closed on that side, as it faces the entry door to Dunder Mifflin, but it’s easy to piece together the source of the noise when Jan comes stalking in a moment later.

“What in the hell did you do, Michael?” she demands.

“Um…I think I should go,” Pam says as she quickly but quietly stands up to do just that.

But Jan orders her to stay. “I’d like you here to take notes, if you don’t mind.” And then she shuts the office door.

Pam rolls her eyes behind Jan’s back. Why does every boss in this company treat her like some sort of court stenographer? If anything, Toby should be the one here taking notes. It’s just as well that Jan immediately focuses her attention back on Michael, as it gives Pam the opportunity to go back to sketching and pretending to care.

“What can I do you for, milady?” Michael asks, clearly not reading the room.

“What you can do for me, is explain what you did to get one of your best salesmen to turn down a promotion. Did you promise him a raise? Because certainly no one at corporate gave you the authority to do that.”

“I don’t need corporate’s permission to-”

“Yes, you do,” Jan interrupts. “So, whatever you offered him, take it back right now. You’re going to call him in here and explain that what you did was shortsighted, as usual. And then you’re going to suggest he reconsider.”

It’s clear to Pam that she’s talking about Jim, but one look at Michael’s bewildered face shows that he has no idea what’s going on.

Michael stands up and walks around his desk. “My…best salesman?” he asks Jan as he approaches his office door.

“Yes, come on, Michael. I still have to drive to Stamford today so make it quick.”

Michael opens the door and tries to appear casual with his hands in his pockets. “Dwight!” he shouts, which garners the attention of the entire bullpen (likely the opposite of what Michael intended). “Would you come here please?”

“Oh, for the love of…” Jan stalks out behind him and takes charge. “Dwight, sit down. Jim, in here.”

Jim looks incredibly nervous as he makes his way over, everyone’s eyes on him. Jan gestures for him to go into the office and then whips the door closed behind them, effectively shutting Michael out of his own workspace. Pam watches through the blinds as Michael stands there, stunned, before walking to the kitchen as nonchalantly as possible.

“Sit,” Jan orders as she takes Michael’s chair.

Jim gives an apologetic look to Pam as he lowers himself into the last remaining seat. “Look, Jan, I’m sorry that I’ve clearly made things difficult for you but I’ve made my choice.”

“Michael can’t give you a raise.”

“Okay, that’s…wait, what?”

“The raise he promised you to get you to stay. He had no authority from corporate and therefore cannot pay you that money.”

“That’s not what this is about, Jan. It’s-”

“Personal days? Vacation time? What did he promise you??”

Jim holds up his hands in defense “Nothing! I swear, Michael didn’t promise me anything. In fact, he wasn’t involved in my decision to stay at all. He didn’t even know I was leaving. No one did.”

Pam smirks to herself, though she keeps her gaze firmly on the notepad in her hand. Jim _did_ tell someone but that’s none of Jan’s business.

Jan sighs and begins to massage her temples. “I believe you, Jim. I do. But you’ve created a real problem for me. You’re young, you’re good at what you do, and you don’t have a family to tie you down here. You were the only candidate I was seriously considering for the position.”

Jim rubs at the back of his neck and tries not to look at Pam. He cranes his eyes as far as he can to his left without turning his head, hoping that Jan won’t notice, but finds Pam’s attention focused on her notes (that he already knows aren’t real notes). “I understand,” he says, focusing back on Jan, “and I would have loved the opportunity, but things changed.”

“So suddenly that you gave up a promotion?”

Jim nods in reply, hoping that the warmth he feels creeping over his face isn’t obvious to everyone else in the room.

“Alright,” Jan says on a sigh. “I can make this work.” She stands then and moves to shake Jim’s hand. “I respect your honesty and I still think you’d be a great fit for management, so don’t be surprised to get a call from me in the future.”

“Thank you, Jan. I honestly never meant to cause you this much trouble.”

“And where there’s trouble, there’s usually Michael.”

Pam can’t help but laugh at the comment, which garners Jan’s attention. And it’s obvious when she sees Pam’s notepad. She tries to cover up the doodles but it’s too late.

“You don’t have to email me your notes, Pam,” Jan says with a smirk, “though perhaps you’ve reconsidered the graphic design internship we spoke about?”

“I, um, well…” Pam thinks about all the reasons why Roy told her it was a bad idea, but then she looks up at Jim and none of them seem very important right now. “Yes,” she answers finally. “I think it would be a great opportunity.”

“Great!” Jan says with a seemingly genuine smile. “It will be nice to have another woman at corporate, even if just for a short time. I’ll send you an email with the enrollment applications attached and next time I’m in Scranton we’ll meet up to go over the details.”

Jan doesn’t wait for any further replies. She simply flings open the door and marches straight out of the office. Michael peeks around the corner a moment later holding a cup of coffee and looking like a scolded child come back for repentance.

“Is she gone?” he asks timidly.

Jim claps him on the shoulder and says, “Oh, Michael,” before returning to his desk.

Pam slips out after him and heads to her own desk. She groans at the blinking light on the phone indicating new voicemails (could no one answer the phone while she was gone?) but an IM alert stops her from checking them just yet.

**HalpertDM: Nice job in there with Jan!**

**BeesleyDM: Speak for yourself! She was super angry before you talked her down.**

**HalpertDM: I learned a long time ago that she’s never really mad with anyone but Michael. I wonder what he did to get her like that in the first place.**

**BeesleyDM: Does it ever really take much with Michael? He makes the worst first impressions. You should hear how he answers the phone when I transfer calls to him. It’s amazing this branch is doing as well as it is.**

**HalpertDM: He’s a good salesman, somewhere down deep.**

**BeesleyDM: I suppose he’d have to be. Are you okay with staying here?**

**HalpertDM: Of course I’m okay. Jan said it herself that there’ll be other opportunities. Right now, this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.**

**BeesleyDM: And in the future?**

**HalpertDM: We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.**

**BeesleyDM: Like when I’m in New York for the graphic design internship?**

**HalpertDM: Exactly.**

**BeesleyDM: How is that any different from you going to Stamford?**

**HalpertDM: Well, for one, I no longer have the excuse that I’m trying to escape my feelings for an engaged woman.**

**BeesleyDM: So you feel nothing for me now?**

**HalpertDM: Ha ha. You know that’s not true.**

**BeesleyDM: <3**

**HalpertDM: Speaking of which… would you like to go to dinner this Friday?**

**BeesleyDM: I have some voicemails I need to return.**

**HalpertDM: Hey! Don’t leave me hanging here!**

**HalpertDM: Pam.**

**HalpertDM: Pam!**

**HalpertDM: Even if the answer is no, just answer me. Please.**

**BeesleyDM: Yes.**

***BeesleyDM has signed off***

Even though she knows Jim will see if he so much as glances over at her (not to mention the entire documentary crew), Pam can’t help but grin to herself as she closes the IM window and picks up the phone. She listens to the first voicemail three times until she can focus enough to write down the caller’s message. Totally worth it.


	4. Step 4: Confidence is Key

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Sexual content.

Pam stands in front of the full-length mirror that hangs in the bathroom, assessing her date outfit. It’s a cute dress that Isabel let her borrow. The fabric is a jewel-tone blue with tiny white flowers and though the neckline is more plunging than she would typically wear, it features sleeves and a hem that meets her knees, so Pam doesn’t feel _too_ exposed. She should really go shopping to get clothes other than office apparel or jeans and sweatpants.

“His eyes are going to pop out of his head when he sees you,” Isabel chimes in from the hallway.

“I don’t think that’s a good thing,” Pam replies. “Macular detachment isn’t exactly the goal of a first date.”

“Ha ha. You’re so funny I forgot to laugh.”

Pam sticks her tongue out at her and the pair fall into laughter. It’s been nice getting to spend so much time with her best friend, especially with so much change going on in her life. She turns to the side to look as far to her back as she can. “Does it really look okay?”

“Yes! You’re hot, Pam. Besides, if Jim already likes you in your dorky button-up shirts and pencil skirts, then he’s going to love you in this. Oh! And I found the perfect pair of heels for you to wear with it. They’ll make your legs look like a million bucks.”

“Heels? I don’t know, Isabel…”

“Trust me.” She runs off to her bedroom only to return with a pair of nude pumps. There’s a slight platform to them that Isabel promises is a good thing. “If the pictures you’ve shown me are anything to go by, Jim is tall. You’ll want the added lift.”

Pam leans against the wall as she puts the towering shoes on, then wobbles a bit before righting herself. “I never wear heels. What if I fall?”

“Then it’ll give Jim a reason to catch you! Wouldn’t that be romantic?” She fans herself like a regency era debutant.

“I suppose…”

The doorbell rings and Pam freezes. Heels or not, she hasn’t been on a proper date in a long time. She wants to be confident, really, but her mind keeps supplying all the ways that this could go wrong.

“Hey,” Isabel says softly, tone no longer teasing. “You’ve got this.”

“I’ve got this,” she repeats, looking at herself in the mirror. And, perhaps for the first time tonight, she actually believes it.

* * *

Friendly as ever, Jim chats with Isabel once he’s welcomed inside. She peppers him with questions, all of which he answers good-naturedly. Pam lets it go on for a few minutes before growing impatient. She worked herself up to this moment only to have it wasted on small talk?

“Thank you, Isabel!” she says with a glare she hides from Jim.

At least she takes the hint. “Alright! Alright.” She follows behind them to the door, shouting the whole way. “You two kids have fun! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

Pam only exhales once the door is safely shut behind them. “Sorry about that,” she says to Jim.

He laughs. “Don’t worry about it. My brothers would be way, way worse to any date of mine.”

As they approach his car Jim jogs ahead to hold open the door for Pam. She thanks him and slips inside, smoothing her dress over her thighs as she buckles in. He quickly jogs around to his own side of the car and soon they’re on their way.

“Where exactly are you taking me?” Pam asks after a few miles on the road.

He risks a quick glance her way. “You make it sound like I’m kidnapping you.”

“You very may well be. You still haven’t answered the question.”

“We’re going to scenic Lake Scranton.”

“Isn’t that the place Michael keeps saying he wants to take the office to?”

“Okay, so he inspired me, but please let that be the last reference to Michael we have tonight.”

“Aw, why? Does thinking of your boss kill the mood? What about Dwight?”

“Now that’s just cruel, Beesley.”

They laugh before settling into pleasant conversation and before they know it they arrive at the entrance to the walking trail. It isn’t until the car is parked that Pam realizes she’s not exactly dressed for a hike. Jim isn’t either, though he’s slightly more casual in dark jeans and a sweater. Pam doesn’t want to seem fussy, but after Jim retrieves a canvas bag from the back seat she says, “I’m wearing heels.”

Jim looks down and takes in her footwear (possibly for the first time). “I thought you looked taller.” Pam gives him a look that he deciphers to mean he’s not helping. “Well, just take them off.”

“And walk around barefoot?”

Between one blink and the next Jim kicks off his dress shoes, then bends down to pull off his socks. He tosses them all into the car and says, “There,” wiggling his now naked toes for effect.

Pam’s a little jealous of his self-assuredness. She quickly pulls off her borrowed heels and puts them back into the car as well. “Barefoot it is, then.”

They hold hands and start off on their walk through the grass. Jim guides her to a beautiful spot overlooking the lake. There’s a dock and a gazebo, but they stop at one of the picnic tables. And that’s where Pam learns the contents of the bag he’s been lugging around.

“You made us a picnic dinner?” she asks as he sets everything out.

“I did. Now, it’s no grilled cheese and mixed berry yogurt on the roof, but I think it’ll do.”

There’s a bowl of mixed fruit and bag of carrots and celery. “Healthy,” Pam comments.

Jim chuckles as he opens yet another container- this one containing slices of a large deli sub. “I wanted to make something nicer, but I didn’t know what would travel well.”

“No, I love it. It’s perfect.” She accepts a bottle of water when offered and the two dig into their meal.

They talk and joke just like they always have and Pam marvels at how easy this is. She feels herself falling more in love with Jim with every second they spend together. It seems natural when he leans over to kiss her. She kisses back and soon they’re making out with very little regard to anyone around them. This is probably why Jim chose some place out of the way; it’s unlikely that they’ll run into any nosey coworkers out here.

Pam pulls away from their kiss when she feels something hit her head. She looks up to find the sky much darker than when they arrived. It seems more time has passed than either of them has realized. While staring, she gets hit in the eye with a raindrop. And then another hits her. And another. “Jim, I think we should-”

A flash of lightening visible over the lake spurs them into action. They hastily shove everything into the canvas bag before running back to the parking lot. Pam thinks briefly that she should be upset by this turn of events, but she can’t be mad when Jim’s fingers are laced with hers.

They get to his car, where- even despite the rain- he again opens the door for her. Once settled he asks, “Would you like me to take you back now?”

“I don’t really want to go to Isabel’s. I know she’s going to ask me questions all night.”

The side of Jim’s mouth quirks up. “Was our date that bad?” he teases.

Pam gives him a gentle shove to the shoulder and laughs, “No! The rain notwithstanding, the picnic was lovely, as was our walk. I just want to be able to keep you to myself for a bit longer.”

Jim’s throat goes dry. He swallows, hoping his voice doesn’t come out too squeaky, and says, “Mark is gone this weekend.”

She darts towards him and smacks a kiss directly on his lips. “Okay,” she says with a smile.

“Okay,” Jim repeats, mostly to himself. “Okay.”

He buckles his seatbelt and backs out of the parking space, perhaps a bit too fast if the squealing of his tires is any indication. Pam looks at Jim’s quickly reddening face and starts to laugh. She considers poking fun but if he’s feeling even half of what she’s feeling right now, then she understands. Instead, she occupies herself by flipping through radio stations. She settles on an indie song she can’t remember the name of, humming along to the melody. About halfway there, Jim’s grip on the steering wheel finally relaxes and he reaches over to take her hand. Pam happily slots her fingers between his and holds on for the rest of the drive.

* * *

Jim unlocks his front door and then holds it open, gesturing for Pam to enter. He follows her, flipping on the entryway light as he goes. It’s almost too bright after coming in from the dusky evening so they move further down the hall. Pam takes off her heels and sets them neatly on the rug there. Jim copies her- much like he did at the park- taking his own shoes off (his socks long forgotten).

“Would you like a tour?” Jim asks.

“You already gave me one during your house party,” Pam reminds him.

Jim ducks his head and shuffles his foot on the rug. “Oh, yeah.”

She touches his upper arm gently and says, as coyly as she can, “Although, I wouldn’t mind a reintroduction to your room.”

He takes her hand and leads her up the stairs, knowing full well that she needs no reminder as she easily makes her way behind him in the dark.

They’re barely across the threshold when Pam pulls him down into a scorching kiss. Jim matches her intensity, wrapping his arms around her and lifting her from the floor in the process.

Pam gasps and quickly throws her arms around Jim’s shoulders to keep from falling. Though, truly, she doesn’t think he’ll drop her. He always makes her feel safe. That’s why she doesn’t feel nervous when her legs hit the bed behind her, or when she lays back with Jim above her, or even when their clothes come off. She’s dreamt about this for long enough- imagined Jim was doing all these things to her when she was with Roy, even though she knew she shouldn’t. It isn’t until Jim is kissing his way down her body that she even thinks to be self-conscious.

“You don’t have to do that,” she says and tries to pull him away from between her legs.

“ _Have_ to?” Jim scoffs. “Pam, making you feel good is not an obligation. I _want_ to.”

Her cheeks must be as red as they feel because Jim’s eyes widen in understanding, mouth open in a small ‘o’. She doesn’t want to say it out loud, but she definitely doesn’t want him saying it either. “It’s not a big deal,” she blurts out.

“Hey.” He moves up the bed to get face to face with her, propping himself up with one hand and cupping her cheek with the other. “It’s okay. We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. But, um, have you never…?”

“I’ve had sex,” she huffs incredulously, resisting the urge to cross her arms over herself.

“Alright, but have you ever had _good_ sex?”

“Jim!”

He has a point, though. She and Roy got together so young, neither really knew much about sex. They fumbled their way through their first times together and that was all Pam knew. Now that she thinks back on it, however, she realizes that Roy never took the time to make sure she had the same… satisfaction… as he did. She used to tell herself it was okay; sex was complicated. She still found pleasure in pleasing Roy. But with Jim, she wants more. And here he is offering it to her.

Pam takes a deep breath and focuses back on his worried face. She smooths out the crinkles on his forehead, where his brows are knit together in concern. “Alright.”

“Yeah?” he asks excitedly.

She laughs, “Let’s not put too much pressure on it, okay? If it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen.”

“Oh, it’ll happen.” He kisses her tenderly on the forehead before working his way down her body once more.

He lavishes her with praise both verbal and non, hands and lips never stopping. His touches tease and caress and Pam feels like he’s everywhere at once. She almost doesn’t even notice when he slips two fingers inside of her, but she can’t ignore when his thumb starts to rub circles against her. It’s at the same time too much and not enough and before she knows it she’s moaning in gratification.

Jim has all too smug a smile on his face when Pam finally regains her wits. She can’t help but smile right along with him. Now that he’s moved back up the bed next to her, she can also feel his hardness pressing into her thigh. Jim moans as she takes him in hand, guiding him between her legs.

“Are you sure?” he asks.

And that’s what seals the deal for Pam. She could walk away right now and Jim wouldn’t hold it against her. He wouldn’t demand she come back and finish what she started. He wouldn’t throw things or start cussing, calling her a tease- or worse. Jim doesn’t just say he loves her; he proves it by showing her respect, even when it’s inconvenient.

Pam’s never felt more confident about anything when she answers, “Absolutely, I am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist that last line!


End file.
